For me, painting is like exploring an ultimate question. I find it difficult to draw randomly. I always want to ask from the very beginning "why should I paint", which is similar to "why do I live". I need to live, but life always makes me compromise. Having to living in constant compromises becomes my reality. This prompts me to ask: "why should I compromise", which seems to get back to the original question of "why should I paint". So in the end, I think the very function of painting may be enabling me to ask further questions.

　　Maybe I need to keep on painting like this. Going to work, painting, participating in the exhibition, being denied, being recognized - I live so most of the time. I don't know what this proves, but it always proves something. And more often, I will reject life, refuse to "paint" and avoid all kinds of crowded places... I think rejection may also be a sort of strength. I would undergo a "refusal" state at each period. I want to "isolate" myself from those "pictures" and the crowd, and from those seductive but powerless pursuits. The "isolation" sometimes makes me warm, and sometimes cold. With these, I seem to always mountaineer, tired but excited. And the "mountain" has become increasingly clear.

　　I like all energetic works. They normally can't be categorized into certain established system, but always seated at a critical point and retain a mysterious power. I look forward to encountering with such works. I like works with obscure emotions, which can lead the audience along the process from the unknown to the known and the unknown again. I like the layer-peeling. The truth being revealed little by little makes me feel full of desire, but I also know there is no absolute truth, or at least it's not something easy to understand. It is difficult, mystic, and worth my exploration.

　　In fact, this means burying a lot of emotions in reality in the works. The deeper you bury them, the more powerful they become. Then throwing emotions away from self-control to recreate sentiments of the other is another exciting thing for me. Besides, "the other" might not be everyone, but means all people at the same time.

　　So I seem to live in and out of my own body. I am a person of contradictions, who has a keen sense of time and space and loves to wander in the present life and the eternal despair.

　　I often expect "bad" works. The so-called "bad" means breaking away from pattern and fixed thinking. I think the "bad" process is full of vitality and opportunity. It is my approach to departing from rigid thinking, for those mature and complete pictures always depress me. Actually, this is about which directions the power of language involves, the construction or the constantly dismantled form. I can hardly control it. But I know that language is a sort of waiting, there is always an unknown force pushing you behind the language, just like fate pushing life ahead. So I advocate waiting for the unknown force.

　　Painting is a secret for me. I try to sort out all kinds of intentions, but the final work often forms unexpectedly. So I have been groping for where it will be and when it will appear, so that I can go down it. Sometimes, in order to find it, I deliberately exclude all distractions to leave some pure and resolute time for myself. I try to enjoy all this, until it eventually arrives. I believe it will come secretly for many times, and will continue to come. I will in turn rebuild my desire for it despite constant loss. This seems to be my fate.

　　However, the work is quiet, but by no means silent. The sound seems to be always in my mind. I can feel its breath, its rhythm, and its vibration. Sometimes I think that painting is like fiddling with a musical instrument. You have to be familiar with its various techniques and breaths, and organize them effectively so that it not only obeys you, but also makes its own sound. So I love music. To me, the power of music is sometimes greater than painting techniques. The music in painting is a spiritual cultivation.

　　Then does painting need a purpose? I doubt whether Iam searching for any purpose. If not, what am I looking for? I don't like to define painting as a position. I always feel that I am loose. Acute position is like broken glass, and I dislike bits of broken glass all over the ground. I like the mirror then? I ask myself, but the answer is no! Maybe I like mirror-like broken glass, where my world inhabits. I find it difficult to find a purpose I need, for they often belong to illusions of different mirrors. What is the reality after all? I contemplate for a long time: may it be those painting acts I always ignore? Through the movement, those vulnerable realities gradually become my purpose. Whether I need it may not be important after all.

　　Eventually I seem to have understood a lot: painting lets me know how a person should understand the world, life and life experiences. It is an act, a simple one full of mysterious atmosphere. Though it will also be affected and disturbed and is nearly impossible to explicate, it may be as clear as faith. We may all need salvation in front of it.

　　对我来讲，好像画画是在探讨一个终极问题，我很难随意的画，我总是从一开始就想问，“为什么要画”，就如“为什么活着”的问题一样，我需要生活，但生活总让我妥协，现实是我必须活在不断的妥协里，这正好促成了我的反问：“为什么要妥协”，这又好像回到最初“为什么画画”一样。所以最终，我觉得画画可能就是让我去追问。

　　也许，我需要就这样一直画下去。上班，画画，参加展览，被否定，被认同，很多时候我这样活着。我不知道这证明了什么，但它始终在证明着。而更多的时候，我会拒绝生活，拒绝“画画”，拒绝各种人多的地方。我觉得可能拒绝也是一种力量，每一段我都会出现一个“拒绝”的时期，我想要“孤立”起来，从那些“画面”和人群中，那些充满诱惑而又无力的追捧中，“孤立”起来，有时候这种“孤立”会让我感到温暖，有时候也很冷，带着这些我像一直在登山，很累也很兴奋，而“山”也越来越清晰了。

　　我喜欢所有有能量的作品，那些作品常常不能归纳为某种既定的系统，那些永远会处于临界点并保有神秘力量的作品，我期待与这样的作品相遇。我喜欢的作品的情绪是晦涩的，能够牵引着观众走，是一次从不可知到可知再到不可知的过程。我喜欢那种层层剥离，真相在剥离中次第显现让我觉得充满欲求，但我也知道没有完全的真相，但至少它不是浅显易懂的，它有难度，也有玄秘的气息，它值得我去探索。

　　其实是将现实中很多情绪都能埋进作品里，埋得越深，力量就越充分，另一方面，再将情绪从自我的掌控中扔出去，完成一个他者情绪的再创造，那又是一件让我感到兴奋地的事情。并且，那个他者可能不是所有人，但又是全部的人。

　　所以，我好像同时活在自己的身体里和身体外，我是一个矛盾的人，对时间与空间有着极为敏锐的感触，我喜欢游离于当下的生活与永存的绝望里。

　　我经常等待画“坏”的作品出现，所谓的“坏”是指脱离开套路和固定的思考，我认为“坏”的过程中充满着活力和机遇，这是我脱离开固化的思考的一个方法，因为那些成熟的、完整的画面总让我沮丧。这其实也是语言的力量在什么方向上显现的问题，是在建构方式中还是在不断地拆解的形式里，我难以把握，但我知道语言是一种等待，语言的背后永远有个未知的力量在推动你，就像命运推动生活一样。所以，我崇尚对未知力量的等待。

　　画画对我来讲是一件秘密的事情，我试图梳理各种意图，但最后作品的形成又常常出现在意料之外。 所以，我一直在寻找它会在哪里，什么时候会显现，让我能顺着它走下去。有时候为了找到它，我刻意排斥所有的影响，刻意留给自己一段纯粹、决绝的时间，我试图享受这一切，如果它最终来临。我相信它会秘密地来临，它来过多次，仍会不断地来，我也会在不断地失去中重建对它的渴望，这似乎是我的宿命。

　　然而作品是安静的，但绝不是无声的，那声音好像一直在我的头脑中，我能够感受它的气息，它的节奏，它的颤动。有时候我觉得画画像摆动一件乐器，你得熟悉它的各种技巧，各种气息，你需要将它们有效地组织起来，既听从你的摆布，又要让它自己的声响展现出来。所以，我很喜欢音乐，对我而言，有时候音乐的力量大于绘画的技术，在绘画中音乐是一种精神的修为。

　　那么，绘画是否需要一个目的，我有些怀疑，我追寻的是目的吗？不是又是什么呢？我不喜欢说绘画是一种立场，我总觉得我是松散的，立场太尖锐了，像玻璃渣子，我不喜欢那些碎了一地的玻璃渣子，我喜欢镜子，是吗？我反问自己，不！也许我喜欢像镜子一样的玻璃渣子，我的世界就在里面，我很难找到一个我需要的目的，因为它们常常属于不同镜面的幻象。那真实到底是什么？我想了很久，也许就是那些总被我忽略的画画的动作吧？那些不堪一击的现实就在动作中逐步成为我的目的，至于我是否需要它，也许并不重要。

　　终于，好像我明白了很多，画画让我懂得一个人该如何理解这个世界，理解这个生命，理解经历的这些生活，画画是一种行动，充满神秘气息的单纯的行动，它也会受到各种影响和干扰，它几乎无法说清楚，但它可能是清晰的，它很像信仰，在它面前，也许我们每个人都需要救赎。

​2015年8月