I was studying in Beijing when my mother re-suffered the sudden attack of the cerebral thrombus by the end of 1997 at my home in Taiyuan. By the time I rushed back to home, friends and relatives had sent mother into hospital. Through emergency treatment, her illness was put into control but mother had had her capability of speaking and moving lost. And doctors just could not help. The reason was that the illness had troubled her for so long that other diseases were caused. In ward, I saw mother lying on bed hopelessly and looking at me in tears.  She was trying to say something to me with her lips moving and with weak and unclear sounds. My heart was broken. I understood fully what she would say. That was, what happen to your father who was also seriously ill for years? Who could look after him when I am in hospital like this?

　　Just in a few days time after ending his military service in 1976, father had suffered from the cerebral hemorrhage due to working too much on his work post. Doctor saved his life which was really in danger then but with the sequela of springhalt left behind. Father was only 42 years old by then.

　　When mother was in hospital, at home father's illness suddenly became severer. He was not able to relieve himself in normal ways and became so thin in abnormal speed. His eyes hollowed without expressions as if looking afar. My heart was bleeding in this sad situation. In usual days, my father is not good at talking but strong-minded. At that moment, what he expressed was heavy sadness and desperation for the lifetime lost or to be lost drastically. This is hardly veiled. I know father love life and eager to live so much. But what could I do? I could only immediately send him into hospital for emergency treatment. He had to join my mother there......

　　It has been for long that I was intending to describe the life of my parents in paintings. I would do so although the reality was sad and painful. However I was challenged when doing actually. It was not expected that I was so disturbed emotionally as if facing my parents in hard reality when sitting in front the canvas. Very often I had to stop painting due to the attacks by the desolation and bitterness. So, my work went on with no efficiency due to very strong sorrows and distresses. Unconsciously I was deeply trapped in the terrible circles on and on without helps. All ideas for artistic imagination and creation were gone with the wind and what come into mind were endless desperation and sadness.

　　My parents were entering in hospital as patients before the Chinese New Year's Day of 1998. At beginning of the time, I was busy at helping them to go through medical checks and treatments with a lead-filled heavy head and awful mood. Through a certain period of treatment, their illnesses were put into control and then my tightened heart was slightly released. I realized by then that I should prepare some materials for me to create works based on the life of my parents. Earlier some time I had taken some photos for their everyday activities with no special intentions. In hospital this time I had also taken some black and white ones. However, out of expectation, I was shocked when seeing the prints. The black covered atmosphere really had me hurt and stung. Suddenly the topic of death came up into my mind. I had never known that the death came so close to my beloved parents. I feel as if in between the life and death there is only a thin layer of ice. The photos were so straightforward that I could not accept the outcome, frankly speaking.  By the end of 1998, I rediscovered the photos when doing sorting of my materials. They gave me a kind of new and special reception when I was under the double pressures of hard life and work. It was that those near-black pictures reflecting the real life of my parents and my overburden have inspired me with true feelings and ideas. As a matter of fact, the photos have completely expressed what I would like to say in very appropriate and persuasive way. I believe it is the power of photography! Immediately an idea came into my mind that why should not I use my camera to do my artistic works? This is my initial motivation to become a cameraman. Moreover, taking photos becomes a way of communication between my parents and me. We make use of the working together to against the pressures and fight with illnesses.

　　Since 1998, I have spent lots of my time to record the hard life of my parents with camera. In my group photo collections, there is one showing the wedding of my parents when they were young. It is the one I had ever approached in my early time giving me deep impression. I remembered the photo was printed in different sizes large and small, some nicely framed. It can be seen that it is the most favorite one to my parents. I would say in this way, the photo had ever brought to the family big hope and imagination towards the happiness. It is the photo that told me what the father means. However the strong responsibility and the heavy duty undertaken by father is perceived step by step along with my ages growing. The iron-like shoulders and the duties and responsibilities carried perhaps are the basic quality of my mother as a teaching professional and father as an army man.

　　In the time of generating so many heroes, each person was requested to learn from the heroes. When moments came up people were required to be ready all the time to sacrifice their lives and so to be the heroes. Only quietly gives and offers without asking any returns. People were educated time by time not to think about themselves no matter happy or unhappy. For instance, at that time, everybody was requested to make new contributions but not live on their works done; to fight against the individualism at any moments; to recall the time of Long March of Red Army whenever in hardships; to think about the hard experiences of the old revolutionaries whenever in tiredness, and so on and on.

　　My parents belong to the generation without individual thinkings, or in conventional term the generation with collective spirit. I recognized that the program was artificially set: Regulations - Binding with moralities - Upgrading the morality to virtues-Developing the virtues to widely obeyed social value - Making the social value into a sort of creed or spirit. Having observed their life for many years, I made a conclusion that my parents were almost up to the standard according to this set program, but having some more disappointments and sorrows in their final stage of life.

　　I am not a good son, for I am not able to help to change the life situation of my parents. I would unveil to people the horrible situation that could be regarded as my family skeleton. To do in this way, I beg my parents pardon me.

　　I want people know that, the happy life today, the modern prosperous economy and the fast development of productivity are from the investments of the generations of my parents with their lives sacrificed without pay backs. Behind the happiness, prosperity and fast development, how many other parents are living like mine to have been ignored and abandoned. I would use my works to express my concerns and respects to all of them and their true and ordinary life being a nobody in the society. Also it is a memorial to the unknown lives.

　　Wish my parents be happy and in peace in Heaven.

Song Yong Ping

2000.7.14

作者：Song,Yongping