感受自在

　　我画“大花系列”及其他

　　这里摘录几段我的“画室杂记”：

　　夜很静很静，独自坐在画室，想着窗外远远的风，吹过耳语着的树，树在谈论些什么？我好奇地谛听着，也许，在某一个清晨，昨夜的很多很多想象和幻想，都在这夜色中的耳语变得深沉厚实。

　　终于安定下来了，画画、抽烟斗、喝茶、看看书、打打电脑，还有很无聊地海阔天空地瞎想，或者什么都不想。安静是一份福分。阳台和窗台种了几株竹子，夜风吹来，竹叶嘎嘎地响，晃动的影子似乎是心的飘然悠然的写照。

　　画完画，抽根烟，坐下来写点东西，自由自在，就像今晚画的花，我力图忘掉具体花的基本现状，随心所欲地挥写点染，墨、色、水、笔、点，画到哪算到哪，很是痛快！画画是这样，写东西也应是这样，而做人呢？

　　当忙完一天乱七八糟的活之后，躲进了我的画室，便开始了我的“自在”。“自在”也许是一种心境，是对现实的一种顽强的对抗和逃避；“自在”也是一种方式，是对渴求的一种假装安详的转换。于是，画画，画自由自在的“大花”成为我追求自在、感受自在的方式和心境。

　　大千世界，“花”是生命灿烂的象征，花的千差万异，也如生命的千差万异，灿烂也是千差万异；“花”只是一种象征，这种象征可能与精神的自由相关，因此，“花”在我的笔下转化为色彩、点染、水迹、墨韵、线条、趣味等等，“花非花，是为花”，“花非此花，是为此花”，花的自然属性，花的具体形态，在我的画面不可能被深究，也显得不甚重要。我想画出自己对生命，对灿烂的一种感受，一种理解，一种表达。

　　那么，生命是什么？生命能是什么？生命自在地来，自在地去，循环反复，周而复始，就如花灿烂的开，灿烂的枯萎，正因为灿烂，也正因为枯萎，因此花才显得具有了生命。生命的意义就在于“花开花落两由之”的自在，大地蕴涵着这深深的自在的生命。

　　于是，面对一切的荣誉与失败，欢乐与忧伤，光环与污辱，当走进属于自己的画室，走进自己的“大花”的世界，生命有了自在的天地，我感受到自己活脱脱生命的存在。生命的本质是自在。

　　于是，我不断地画着我的“大花”……

2006年11月21日深夜于绿川书屋

　　Carefree

　　Wang Huangsheng

　　Feeling Freedom
　　My painting Big Flowers Series and Others

　　Here are some excerpts from my "Studio Miscellanies":

　　The night was very quiet. I, sitting alone in the studio, was thinking of the distant winds outside window which blew through the whispering trees. What were the trees talking about? I was curiously listening. Maybe, in one morning, many imaginations and fantasies of last night will become thick and solid in the whispers of the night.

　　Finally, my mind was settled. Painting, smoking a pipe, drinking tea, reading a book, playing on the computer and imagining idly and endlessly or thinking of nothing at all. Quietness is a blessing. Several bamboos grow in the balcony and windowsill. When the night wind blew, the bamboo leaves rattled and the swaying shadow seemed to be the portrayal of my floating and leisurely heart.

　　After finishing painting, I smoked and sat down to write something freely, just like the flowers I painted tonight. I tried to forget the specific basic appearance of flowers and be free to spread ink and add details on canvas. Ink, color, water, stroke and point. What a happy thing to paint freely. Painting is rendered in such a way, writing also should be in the same way, and what about being a man?

　　After a busy day, I hide myself in the studio and start my "freedom". "Freedom" might be a state of mind, a tenacious confrontation and escape from reality; "freedom" is also a way, a transformation of desire into a pretended calm. Thus, painting, painting the free "big flowers" becomes the way and state of mind for me to pursue and to sense freedom.

　　In the boundless world, "flower" is the brilliant symbol of life. The wide variety of flowers is like the wide variety of lives and the brilliances are also tremendously different. "Flower" is just a symbol which might be related to the spirit of freedom. Therefore, "flower" is transformed into colors, polishing, water and ink rhyme, lines and taste under my brush. "Flower which is not flower is flower", "Flower which is not this flower is the right flower". The natural attributes and specific forms of flowers cannot be deeply studied and are not very important in my paintings. I would like to paint my feeling, my understanding and expression of life and brilliance.

　　So, what is life? What could life be? Life comes and goes freely. The circle of life repeats again and again just like the brilliant blooming and withering of flower. Precisely because of brilliance and withering, flower seems to have a life. The meaning of life lies in the freedom of "Let go of the blooming and withering of flower" and the earth nurtures the deep and free life.

　　Thus, facing all the honors and failures, joys and sorrows, halos and insults, whenever I enter my own studio and my own world of big flowers, my life acquired a free world. I feel the existence of my own vivid life. The essence of life is freedom.

　　Therefore, I am continuously painting my "big flowers"…

Written in Green River Study deep in the night of November 21, 2006

作者：王璜生